I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
