Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
