All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
