WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
