I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i came on her dog
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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