just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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