i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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