Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
