Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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