Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
