Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
