I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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