Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
