Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
