So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
