I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Randomize
