You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
