i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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