I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
