I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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