she was so not down for the gang bang
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
