I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
