living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I had to cum in my sink.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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