Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
