She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
