i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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