The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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