it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She's like a pop up book from hell.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
