if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
