The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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