all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
