I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
