Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
