Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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