I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
