you win again, gameday.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
