Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
