Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
