i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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