I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
