Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
