Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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