Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
BRING THE BAGELS
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My bed smells like the plague
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
