I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so let's talk penis.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
