I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
