Porn is love you can see.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
