I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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