I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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