how can u be prego again
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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