I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
