foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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