I'm jealous of your bromance
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
