porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think I sprained my soul last night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
