My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
is wine microwaveable?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
