Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
